Faith

Wow I haven’t made a post in a very long time. Between taking care of a baby and getting class work done, I always think about writing but either have no time to or am too exhausted to by the time I’m done with everything.

Today is a very important day. One year ago today, on March 16, 2014, I found out I was pregnant.

Surprise!

Surprise!

I’ve already written a post on that day that you can read about here.

On that day, I thought my life was over. I thought that no matter what I chose to do about my pregnancy, there was no happily ever after for me.

Now here’s me, exactly one year later, at almost the exact same time I peed on that stick.

Me and my precious baby girl.

Me and my precious baby girl. People keep saying she looks just like her daddy, but I’m staying hopeful some of me will shine through later on.

It’s crazy how life works. I never would have thought that exactly one year later I would be taking my baby girl out for a walk. I never would have thought that life could be so good to me.

Though I am pro-choice, I took a leap of faith and made mine. And she’s the most beautiful creature to grace this earth.

I am happy every day because of my precious Ember, and I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out without her.

I am thankful everyday that one year ago today, though many people were telling me otherwise, something inside me had faith that my pregnancy was a good thing. No one can know what the future will bring, but inside I knew that it was meant to be. Though I am not a fiercely religious person, I believe I was destined to have Ember, which is something I guess a lot of mothers think about their babies. I read something today that said there is a 1 in 4 trillion chance that you are who you are today, taking into account the chances of your parents meeting, chances of conceiving, etc. Let me repeat that: 1 in 4 trillion.

If my parents had not been the first in their families to move to America from the Philippines,
If my boyfriend had not been the first person to move here away from his family in Indiana,
If we were not placed in the same classes to meet in school,
If we had never dated or if we had broken up too soon,
Ember would never be here.

Calling her a miracle would be an understatement.

I’m definitely not writing this as eloquently as I wanted to, but I do feel a lot of emotions about this. I’m so happy I could cry. To think, one year ago I thought my life was ruined, I was crying and having panic attacks and I thought I was going to drink a bottle of bleach and kill myself. And today, I napped with Ember in my arms and in the afternoon took her on a walk in the warm weather.

The point I’m trying to make is, nothing is certain when it comes to the future. But sometimes you need to take a chance and have faith that it will all work out in the end.

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